Tattooed redhead gets to taste a long black stick

Dr. Phil, I have a serious problem. I have an imaginary friend and he only appears when I get really horny.

Don't let anyone get between us. No one should ever break us apart. Our love is eternal.

That was Don Porcovato, my...

I can't handle this anymore. I need a real man.

Dr. Phil, what can you do to help me with my illness?